Thursday, March 29, 2012

Wow, almost a year has gone by...Lots to update on.

I can't believe that it has been 10 months since my last blog post. I really should blog more often. It really is therapeutic in some ways. It's a good way to remind myself of how mental of a man he was.

So in my last post 10 months ago, I claimed that I was stupid. Well since then this girl has grown some balls. I never did hook up with Rob. My mind really just wasn't ready to have a relationship. Not only that, I really wasn't interested in seeing someone long distance. I did meet someone while at work. He was a customer that came into my business. At the time, Cole and I were and had been still "off"..Not a couple, not back together. I was probably still pretty much Debbie Doormat though cause I was allowing him to just come over whenever he felt like it and hang out with the kids. The last time in May where I mentioned that we had slept together, was our LAST time. I was strong enough to cut that off completely. I was stupid about letting him step over that boundary. He was getting sex from 2 different women on a regular basis, that is pretty flipping stupid...On my part.
Anyway, so I meet this guy...younger guy and we just have this casual chit chat conversation about relationships and it turns out that his wife had cheated on him and left him. They had been separated for about 4 months I guess when we met. He asked me if I would like to go meet up with some of his friends and play trivia at the bar a few doors down from my business. I said 'sure'...I thought it sounded like fun since I LOVE trivia games. I had absolutely no attraction to this guy right off the bat. I honestly thought it would just be a group of friends hanging out playing a game, so I waited about a week and I went. I ended up going to a couple of nights out. Trivia at the bar was only on Thursday nights, so I would either go right after work or go home, feed the girls and then go back up to play. It only lasted about 2 hours then I would go home.

So I'm trying to sort of summarize up to where I am now in March of 2012...but let's just say that the invitation to trivia turned into my seeing this guy and dating this guy and sleeping with this guy. How's that for in a nutshell?  I think one of our first dates was that he invited me to a wedding, so I went as his date. We didn't sleep together probably for at least 2 months. It did start to turn serious. I think that I was so emotionally drained by Cole, that I was like a starving kitten. I lapped up the flattery,  he would tell me how beautiful I was, he respected me, admired me, he just loved everything about me. I got flowers all the time for no reason, we went to movies, dinner, concerts, trivia, BBQ's, the fair and so much more. We had a lot in common and enjoyed each other company. It wasn't about sex at all. Part of me was worried about my betraying Cole now. Well let me see how I justified it. I wasn't married to Cole, he never wanted to marry me. He left me to be with another woman a year and half prior. He had more than one chance give to him to come back and make it right, and always fucked that up. He always chose Jolene over me when I would ask him if he had to make a decision right now who would he pick. Hmm, what else? Oh where he told me that he could NEVER be faithful to me. He also told me to "go do my thing" and that he was gonna "do his thing" and that he did not answer to me, nor was I his keeper. I think that pretty much gave me the go ahead to see who I wanted to see. So I started seeing Mark.

It was shortly after I started seeing Mark that Cole started to stalk me. Before I get into more of this craziness. I have to let on where I made a HUGE mistake in all this. I'm not sure if I had mentioned it before...but when I got my apartment...I did not leave all the way out of our home. The problem is that Cole works out of town most of the week, so leaving the home would have left it empty...with dogs in the backyard...some expensive electronics just sitting in the fridge...and basically a home that nobody lives in. So I come up with this grand idea to stay in the house during the week with the kids while Cole is out of town working..and then when he comes back on the weekends...he can stay in the house with the kids..and I will go off to my apartment and have my own private life and relationship with Mark. Lets just say that didn't work out so much. It worked up until New Years Eve. Cole had been telling me all year long that I could have the house, that it was stupid of me to keep paying rent at an apartment and that he was never in town anyway, so that I should just move back to the house entirely. I was in the transition of doing that...but my lease on my apartment was not over till April of 2012.

 I don't think Cole really knew a whole lot of what was going on with Mark and I. He decided he would find out on his own. I guess I was expecting him to be nonchalant about the fact that I was seeing someone. I thought that is what he wanted, was for me to leave him alone and let him have his OW. He wasn't happy about it in the least bit. So back to the stalking...he would literally be sitting in a parking lot watching me kiss Mark goodbye or would show up at my apartment early like 5:30 am I think hoping to catch Mark there. I never let Mark spend the night with me, knowing that Cole was doing this. I was afraid of what would happen if the two ever met up. Well one night they did. Not at the apartment, but at trivia. Cole found out that I was at trivia with Mark and decided to come down and start trouble. He basically told Mark that he was no good, that he was still married (divorce was pending and I'm happy to report divorce is now final between Mark and his never was an issue...she left him and never came back)....Cole was just being this super asshole. I was like, "wow...are you serious??" I'm really not sure what prompted this behavior but it looked like a green monster. Cole told Mark that he BETTER take the picture of himself with me, OFF of his facebook or else!! Cole said that he didn't need his kids seeing a picture of the two of us...wait a minute, what?? You're gone!! My kids don't or didn't care that I found someone else...they knew about Mark, they had met Mark...our picture on facebook was normal..Just two people smiling for the camera. Well Cole insisted that Mark take that picture a few days later I just asked Mark to do it...just to keep the peace for me when I was around Cole.

I think that for Mark....that the months of June thru January were HELL for both of us. We broke up several times because Cole was just trying to sabotage us in whatever way he could find. Whether it be the stalking or the threat of throwing me and all my stuff out of the house for good. I was on such a roller coaster, still......Cole did not want me back. It wasn't like he was saying "Hey..lets make this work..I'll do anything just to get you back. Let me show you how much I want you back, Let me come home, Let's go to counseling"...None of that...All Cole wanted to do, was act like a jealous crazy person. I was trying to be "friends" with Cole...part of me still loved him and I thought maybe someday he would snap out of it and would want to go to counseling and figure things out. I reserved a tiny spot of hope for that to happen. I hadn't shut that door all the way.  But in the meantime, I just couldn't stop seeing Mark...I had finally met someone who knew how to treat women. I mean all the years of dating so many different men, I had never dated a "nice guy". I liked the bad boys...not the nice guys. Well age must have changed me, or it was probably Cole who did...but I was liking this nice guy. Poor Mark though. He has been through so much with me. All of my crazy emotions over Cole and this house and moving out and having our own time without crazy person bothering us. has been a rough year.

In February of this year...the shit with Cole finally hit the fan. I had gone out with Mark on a Saturday night. I didn't report to anyone what I was doing. The kids (teenagers mind you ,who are now 16 and 15) were with Cole. He had been out of town for 2 weeks and I figured that Saturday night would be the perfect night for him to spend some quality time with his girls. SO I went out with Mark to celebrate his birthday with him. We took a cab to go out, and left my car at my apartment. When we left the bar at midnight, we came back to the apartment and the idea was that I was gonna let Mark stay the night in my apartment and that I was gonna take a cab home to my house..Keep in mind that I was pretty much back staying in the house and Cole was staying with Jolene when he was in town. She lives about 25 miles from our house. When Mark and I got back to the apartment, I didn't feel so good and thought I might get sick. We both went up to my apartment and I laid down on the bed to stop the feeling of sickness. I began to spin. I think I had way too many shots. So Mark kept telling me that I should probably get home...and just then a pounding came at my door. I knew who it was. Cole had finally caught Mark at my apartment. I don't know what I was thinking. I was thinking that Cole was going to be civil and calm, so I stupidly answered the door. Well as soon as I unlocked the door, Cole was in my apartment...He pushed me pretty hard out of the way and went after Mark. He struck Mark in the mouth with an open fist I guess. I know it wasn't a closed fist...then I tried to get in between and Cole pushed me down like a ragdoll into my bedside table. It was crazy. I then told Cole to knock it off or that I was gonna call the police and he threatened that if I did that, that he would yank everything I have ever had away from me. Well 3 months prior he started yanking things away anyway. He closed my bank account on me that I have had for 16 a matter of minutes and without my consent. He had also told me back then to get all of my shit out of HIS house. So I had an idea of what kind of evil this man was. I started to go for the phone, and he again warned me. Well little did I know..that Mark had dialed 911 on his cell phone and then had let the phone sit on the bed while Cole continued to rant and rave what a horrible mother I was and how I should be home with my kids...blah blah blah. I continued to tell Cole..."I left my kids with you...did I get a phone call from you letting me know you were dropping them at their sisters house?" Well the ironic thing is that my 16 year old drives and has her own car. So they stayed at their sisters house (my daughter from first marriage) till 1 am...playing board games. Apparently Cole was disgusted after seeing Marks face book page via my oldest daughter who is a mutual face book friend and he left in a huff about 7 pm. and went back over to Jolenes house. Well my 15 year old called her father at 1:30 am to tell him that they just got home and that I was not at home. So Cole drove 25 miles from his woman's bed....or rather...his affair partners beat up the guy I'm dating. Go figure!!! A phone call would have worked buddy.

Needless to say, the police showed up...Cole was cuffed and arrested (first time ever at 43 years old) and spent the night in jail. He was let out the next day at 2 pm and since then has left me alone. It has been one month since that night. He doesn't call for NOTHING now. He doesn't even communicate with me about our children. He communicates with me, thru our children. How's that for childish. If there is something he wants me to know, he tells one of our teenagers. Oh and he told me that I had to be OUT OF HIS HOUSE by March 30th...well tomorrow is the 30th and I haven't done much on packing. I'm working on it, but I'm gonna take my sweet time. I lived with him for 17 years, and I have a lot of crap to go through and boxes to pack. 

The court hearing is on March 30th...tomorrow...I will update the blog if anything happens. I doubt anything will happen to him. I do hope they sentence him to counseling and maybe anger management. Ironically I watched the movie "Enough" with Jennifer Lopez...and saw some behavior in the male character that I could relate with. More of an update and then back on track...with my life in blog.

1 comment:

  1. are you allright-----have not read anymore from you----I pray you are well and safe---many of us wonder about your safety-----please let your followers know that you are ok------sending love and hugs to you and your kids--------PLEASE LET US KNOW YOU ARE OK