Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Wow, it has been some time hasn't it? Life has gone by in a blink of an eye.  And for whatever reason, I came back to the blog today to update.  I didn't realize I had any readers...but because there may be people out there going through the same thing...I will continue to write.  I always joke about how one day I will write a book about this craziness I have lived through with this man.  So here is my update.

It is now September of 2014.  I am STILL living in the family home.  I am pretty sure I updated that after I had moved out to an apartment before, that I waited for that lease to expire and moved back to the house.  I had other plans that I needed to carry out and I couldn't do it living in an apartment with all of my things still at the house.  Well and the fact that it was costing me almost $1000 to live there on a part time basis.  Anyway...I won't try to bring up stuff I've already wrote about...I wanna just talk about things going on now and probably just since my last post.

Cole turned 46 this summer.  He is STILL with and living with the OW, who turned 66 this past spring.  I know age probably isn't that big of a deal but I still don't understand it so I am constantly bringing up age.  I just can't wait till she's 70 and he's 50...haha. Cole continues to this VERY day to hang out at the family home.  I just woke up this morning to find him in the "office" on his laptop that he leaves here.  I am annoyed! I haven't been able to live MY life and have him 100% out of my life in almost 6 years!  I hate waking up to the sound of his voice on the phone with people, while he is in MY house.  At times I come home from work and find him hanging out in the living room with our 17 year old daughter.  He is here ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DAY!  How does this OW live with this??  He leaves her every single morning to drive over to my house (20 miles away) to take our daughter to school.  Well the reason for that is a whole nother' story.  Our daughter totaled her car in January so she has no way to school.  I guess I should be thankful that he is willing to drive her to school everyday instead of asking me to do it.  I'll come back to this part.

Anyway.....Cole has not been working a real job, a normal job, a money making job in 5 years.  He says he is living on credit.  He still pays all of the bills at the family house. I pay for nothing.  I am sure it's all guilt and trying to get out last daughter at home, through her senior year without having to displace her. He continues to make life pretty easy financially for me.  Emotionally is a whole nother' ballgame....but I am lucky that money is not one of the worries that I have to deal with.  I am sure that one of the  reasons that  I probably stay in the house and put up with his being here all the time, is for the money I am saving for that rainy day...away from him.  Mama always told me to stash that money. I am a smart girl.

I don't really ask too many questions about where Cole gets his money.  OW is very rich, but he told  me a long time ago that she is not giving him any of her money. I don't believe him, but I really don't care.  I do know that he has dropped the amount of child support he had been giving me.  It is still pretty substantial for having one 17 year old at home, so I don't bitch about the amount. 

Here is what is bothering me lately.  Keep in mind, I really try NOT to let anything get to me too much...but it's because Cole is constantly around that I can't help but see certain things going on.  So Cole has befriended my daughters best friends' mother.  Her name is Anna.  Because my daughter is such a daddy's girl, there are a lot of times she will ask her father to do things for her instead of me.  Recently he did a favor for my daughter and Anna's daughter and because of that, Anna wanted to take Cole out and treat him to dinner along with another mom and her husband. I think this is where the "spark" happened between these two.  Well to make this story short, Cole has been meeting up with Anna for coffee in the mornings after he drops off my daughter at school.  He doesn't know that I know.  There was another day where Cole was at the house and he was showing me a picture of something on his phone, and as I was looking at the picture...a text from Anna scrolled across his phone.  I couldn't help but think to myself...."so you cheated on me, and left me for another woman...now you're living with another woman and you are sneaking to meet up and have coffee and texting yet another woman??"  Lord help me.  I can't wait to get away from this man FOREVER!

The time is near.  My daughter graduates  in May 2015 and will be going off to college as soon as she graduates.  She will be going to another state where her older sister is.  I will be back to being kid-less and single.  Such a weird thought. I am excited in a way...it's when my life with Cole will begin.  He still has trouble with me talking about the fact that I am thinking of moving out of state and away from all this craziness.  He actually gets angry with me when I wanna talk about what we will be doing with the house. He refuses to discuss it with me.

Leaving my house/home will be hard.  I am starting to make a list of the things I will miss and the things I won't miss so that I can justify my feelings about leaving it.  We have stairs in my home and I have fallen down them several times and been injured severely twice (broken leg and almost broke my tailbone another time)  I WON'T miss these stairs! I will miss the things that I designed and had custom done to the home (when Cole had some money and was allowing me to change things)  However, I should rather look forward to having my own home and doing things to that home, on my own.  I will always have ME, and I will always have my sense of design and artistic ability and can always re-create things even better in a new place. 

Anyway, off to work I go...more soon...and hopefully not a year later.
Peace.....

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