Words out of HIS mouth....as he spoke them to me.

Just had to write some of this down...these were things said by Cole to myself.

• I don't know what I want.
• I need both of you in my life.
• I am so fucked up.
• I am emotionally exhausted.
• I do love you.
• I'm afraid of you.
• I don't have a problem being around you.
• I will always love you.
• You will always have a place in my heart.
• We don't have anything in common anyway.
• I don't like you.
• There are things about you that I despise.
• I resent you.
• I'm jealous of you.
• You think my coming around is just to see the kids, when it really has alot to do with you too.
• I really am the happiest when I am with all of you (my family).
• I'm a failure.
• You have a family (with tears rolling down his face).
• You know how I get when you corner me.
• No, I don't love her.
• I don't know what love is.
• I don't believe in Love or Relationships, it's a bunch of bullshit!
• At times I think I have been on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
• It was a small setback (when busted at the airport with OW)
• I sincerely can't see myself without you in my life and continue to cry.
• I've opened the door to the scariest nightmare I can imagine, not having MY family!
• Don't be mad at me
• It really isn't about the sex (with OW)
• I really only crave the interaction and perfectly happy with just texts or phone conversation with her.
• She's just a friend.
• She boosts my self esteem.
• She really is the only friend I have.
• I just want to take my dog and run away up into the mountains.
• I thought I was doing better.
• I really want you all to be happy.
• It's about a feeling I get when I am around you.
• Your flowers cost more than hers.
• No, I don't remember if hers were red roses or not. (they were).
• All I have been trying to do is be nice and generous.
• Everyone is mad at me!
• All I'm getting is abuse (talking about emails sent to him from his family--myself and his daughters regarding the affair)
• When I fuck up the way I have, I honestly get physically sick.
• The hair stands up on the back of my neck when I see everyone on Facebook encourage you to go out and hook-up.
• I fucking hate Facebook.
• This is not about what you do though.
• Me coming up with bullshit to justify my actions is ridiculous!
• Maybe it's easier to start a new relationship with someone than it is to repair the old one.
• She doesn't like when I'm around you.
• I told her that you are the kids mother so of course you were going to be there.
• I know I haven't been there for you like I should have been in the past.
• I have been a terrible boyfriend.
• I don't know that I am in love with her.
• I won't have a miserable time (in Costa Rica) but I will be thinking about you guys the entire time!
• I think I get enjoyment out of her company.
• I really do connect with her on an intellectual level.
• Families require love.
• I think you are an incredible person.
• Believe me, I have been doing lots of soul searching.
• Telling someone you love them after sex, is a piss poor barometer of true feelings. It's an intimate setting and shit gets said, but it can be meaningless.
• I certainly didn't want to bring everyone down.
• I feel like I'm in limbo
• It's none of your business.
• It's not about you or her, it's about me.
• This is 100% my fault..
• The love I feel for her is different than the love I have for you.
• I would be sad if you were out of my life completely.
• Are you really willing to put up with my unfaithfulness because I don't think I could ever be faithful to you..
• I am depressed but I don't want to seek help, it's what keeps driving me to get myself out of debt.
• Once my financial situation is fixed, I will work on my personal life.
• I do love you, I just don't love the relationship we had.